A man's wedding day was laid to waste when his bride-to-be told him she 'just' needed to "pop outside for a cigarette", and was never seen again.
Colin 'D' was due at Bournemouth Registry Office at 11am to tie the knot with his intended, whose name does not matter, so don't ask.
The pair got as far as arriving at the office and taking a seat inside, before 'she' started to look extremely anxious. Noticing this, Colin asked her if she was feeling OK. His 'intended' told him she was fine, but that she needed to smoke a cigarette outside, and would be:
"back in a minute."
Knowing that a cigarette takes more than a minute to smoke, the groom waited until five minutes had expired, then went outside to comfort his love.
Alas, she was nowhere to be seen.
Colin looked for her around the back of the building - where he thought she might be relieving her bladder - in the adjacent car park, and in some nearby bushes, but there was no sign of her.
Gradually, as Colin became ever more frantic, the awful truth began to dawn on him that he'd been jilted, not at the altar, but at the eleventh hour.
He went to a nearby pub where several of the drinkers were discussing a woman in a wedding dress they'd seen hopping on a bus only ten minutes before, and Colin knew it was over.
Ever the pragmatist, he told the throng:
"Ah, well. Plenty more fish in the sea!"