No News Is Good News

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Monday, 28 May 2018

FRESNO, CALIFORNICATE — When officials refused to allow “The Star-Spangled Banner” to be sung at the championship match between the football teams of George Washington High School and Thomas Jefferson Preparatory School, played in Fresno State University stadium, fans sang the national anthem themselves, a capella.

According to school officials, the anthem wouldn't be sung because both Washington and Jefferson owned slaves.

During the fans' performance, no one “took a knee,” so few media outlets bothered to report the story, as it did not accord with the “national narrative” concerning either “racial relations” or “toxic nationalism.”

“The narrative, concerning racial relations is that whites are racists and blacks are victims, and the narrative concerning nationalism is that it's a provincial, backwards, toxic state of mind,” said Ted Turnip, owner of Cee &&. “This national anthem incident doesn't fit either story line and is, therefore, not worthy of air time.”

“It's not news,” Turnip later told his staff, “unless we make it news.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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