Written by Purple Girl

Friday, 27 April 2018

image for The NFL is set to approve players from space
Will immigrants from outer space replace some NFL players?

Due to waning popularity of the NFL, as well as scandals, backlash from political correctness, and the loss of general entertainment value, NFL officials are set to allow players from outside Planet Earth to play.

Not everyone is welcoming the move. According to Jamal Davies of the Washington Watchers, "I'm not sure I'd want to play beside some alien freak with tentacles and slime and all that shit, but I might not have a problem with him if his sister is cute. Some fans might have problems if an alien and I were to have relations, but then I have a problem with aliens playing football."

The owner of the Watchers, Rod Humphreys, has this to say. "I'd be willing to recruit players from space, but there would be all the logistics to work out, and the league would likely need to be involved. For instance, what about alien slime? Is it harmful to humans? Will it make the sport hazardous or unplayable? Plus, would it alter the game or give unfair advantages?"

According to NFL official John Custings, "Yes, there are a lot of questions about how this will alter the game. However, with all the controversies and falling ticket sales, we have to try something. We support diversity as much as anyone, and how can you better support diversity than to hire immigrants from space? As for concerns about fairness, we could require each team to have the same number of space immigrants per species per team. We could even recruit some at the league HQ so teams that have not recruited aliens can borrow them from us and still have a fair game."

Fans reactions seem to be mixed. John Smith, a fan, says, "As long as the athletes from space can play a good game and not use the game as a protest forum, I might actually enjoy the change."

Don Pink, who hosts a white nationalist website, says, "For years, folks have said to keep whites out of sports to promote diversity and give minorities a chance. Now they have achieved true diversity, it will be interesting to see if other minority groups cry foul when space aliens take their place."

At any rate, if space immigrants are allowed to play, this will likely forever change how football is played.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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