NFL Woes Escalate: Cheerleaders Sue For Equal Pay and Grass Stains On Their Panties

Funny story written by JennyNorthStar

Tuesday, 17 October 2017

image for NFL Woes Escalate: Cheerleaders Sue For Equal Pay and Grass Stains On Their Panties

ONLY IN AMERICA - During Week 6 of the National Football League season, players continue to take a knee in protest during the playing of the national anthem. Gosh, the season only started 6 weeks ago? Seems like this controversy has lasted forever! You can't watch any television news program or listen to a radio talk broadcast without hearing something about this hullabaloo. The perfect storm of national pride versus racism.

I admit, I don't watch much football or know much about it. I do know a good tight-end when I see one and get a little moist when watching big, huge, hairy, muscle bound men running around in tight pants. I suppose ignoring the protests and just watching the men isn't an option for most people.

The NFL owners and management seem to be in a quandary as football viewership and attendance dwindles. Continue to alienate their fans who pay the bills and provide tax free benefits? Or, piss off $1 million players by demanding they stand?

No one anymore seems exactly sure what NFL players are protesting, but our old friend Hillary Clinton has been very vocal in encouraging them to keep doing it regardless.

One Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, in her cute, low-cut, bare midriff top, short-shorts, and cowgirl boots, said: "I know why players are taking a knee during the anthem. It's the one time all players are in a lineup without their helmets. If they don't take a knee and try to hide their face, they'll be recognized as someone's baby's daddy.

If things weren't bad enough for NFL owners, NFL cheerleaders want some of the action too. Instead of taking a knee, they have filed a class action lawsuit against the NFL for equal pay and recoupment for grass stained panties.

Most NFL cheerleaders make less than $2.75 per hour when accounting for training and workouts needed for game day. Typical compensation is just $125 per game, or $1,250 per season; flipping burgers at McDonalds pays more. On the other hand, NFL football players receive on average $1.3 million annually, with some players receiving over $50 million per year. Even Team mascots are paid between $25,000 and $65,000 per season. If anyone has a reason to protest it's cheerleaders.

As one Cheerleader put it, "It's like living on the plantation. You shut up, put out, and learn to take it." You know how hard it is to have perfect makeup, big hair, and not look like you sweat while shaking your tight ass and pom-poms?

Another Dallas Cowboy cheerleader complained: "If the pay isn't worse than slave wages, it's getting grass stains on my panties. You know how much a nice pair of silky, lace-top, high-cut panties costs? Equipment staff handles the uniforms for pro football players. We cheerleaders have to do it for ourselves. We are forced to practice and perform those jump splits Dallas Cowboy fans love to see. When you come down too fast and hard, it can create havoc with your panties. Grass stains makes me look like a slut, they run from my kitty back to my butt."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more