Republicans suggest genocide could reduce tooth decay

Tuesday, 23 January 2018

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Healthy teeth - worth dying for?

Washington DC. The Republican Party have announced their policies for the coming year, and most of them are the same as ever - cut taxes, cut spending, give money to the rich.

However, one new policy has raised eyebrows.

It is based on recent research which suggests that selective mass killing could cut tooth decay rates by up to 80% in the USA. The study was carried out by the Dallas Institute for Responsible Eugenics (DIRE), a right-wing college with ties to extremist groups.

Researchers looked at rates of tooth decay in Iraq, Islamic State, and in Cambodia - all areas which have been affected by genocide in recent decades. In each case it was noticed that tooth decay was significantly reduced among the groups that were most affected by the mass killings.

The American Dental Association has refused to acknowledge the research, but Republicans believe that enacting a suitable policy could help the USA achieve rates of dental health never reached before.

Donald Trump has indicated that he is supportive of the idea.

A spokesman for the GOP said, "After all, there is nothing more important than having shiny white teeth, and if we get to eliminate a few undesirables along the way then so much the better."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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