Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

image for Congress Considers a Ban on the Trophy Hunting of Sexual Predators

WASHINGTON, DC--Two representatives today co-sponsored a new Bill in Congress that would ban, in the United States, the trophy hunting of sexual predators. The bipartisan co-sponsors, Rep. John Conyers from Michigan and Rep. Blake Farenthold from Texas, would make it a felony to hunt sexual predators for the purpose of mounting their heads or other body parts in one's private residence.

Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore has also come out in support of the Bill, as has President Donald Trump, who said, "We must protect our sexual predators, many of whom, due to the PC culture in which we now live, are faced with certain extinction just for grabbing pussy, if something is not done very very soon. Men like me, Roy Moore, and Al Franken are quickly becoming an endangered species."

Said Roy Moore, in a press conference, "I believe in the protection of all individual rights, even those of sexual predators because, like Joseph in the New Testament, we need older men to shepherd teenagers into sexual intercourse for the greater glory of our Lord. It's what I tried to do in mentoring teenagers in my early thirties, and now I'm being hunted by the mainstream liberal media. I'm not about to let my head adorn some lesbionic, radical feminist's fireplace!"

The vote on the Bill, to be brought to the Senate floor sometime next week, is expected to divide along gender lines, with the 80 men who comprise the 114th Congress voting for the Bill.

When Jake Tapper, host of State of the Union, asked Mitch McConnell what he thought of the new Bill, McConnell replied, "That depends, Jake. How's it polling now?"

Media mogul Pat Robertson, of the Christian Broadcasting Network, when asked to comment on the legislation, looked straight at the camera and drooled all over himself.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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