Leaked transcript from secret meeting between Donald Trump & Roy Moore

Funny story written by Alec Bryan

Wednesday, 6 December 2017


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Donald Trump: "You're going to do amazing things for the great state of Alabama, Roy. Now get out there and grab em by the pussy!"

Roy Moore: "Oh I get it now! You meant it as an expression! Like 'go get em' or 'break a leg.' This damn Fake News is trying to destroy us Mr. President!"

Donald Trump: "No no Roy... I mean that literally. For both of us. It's why we can't stop winning."

Roy Moore: "But Mr. President that's sort of how I got into this big mess in the first place. Shouldn't I hold off
on grabbing anyone by the..."

Donald Trump: "Nonsense! Here's the trick: You do it, many times may I add, then you say it aloud, but say it in a way that just sounds like 'boys in the locker room,' THEN, and here's the key to it all, you deny it. Not only do you deny it but tell the world that all of your awful accusers are liars. Tell the world it's all just the democrats and the fake news trying to hurt you and your family for political gain. "

Roy Moore: "(laughs out loud) Well, I've already got that last part down, don't I?!"

Donald Trump: "Yes you do Roy, yes you do. Being a great leader isn't about telling the truth. It isn't about respecting women or having sexual boundaries. Being a great leader is about saying what the country wants to hear...but only the part of the country that believes your lies. Got it? All news that speaks against you or your agenda is Fake News! Now listen Roy, don't ever be political correct, just 'tell it like it is' UNLESS it's about the things you've lied about or it helps anyone that doesn't believe your lies.
...Always remember that myself and a few Republicans, who have sworn allegiance to me or I've threatened, have your back. Most people will hate you because you're truly an awful human being but there's good news; You'll have power. More power than ever before. Not as much power as I do, obviously I have all the power, but still really really good power...nice power. Your voters will continue to love you so keep lying and they will love you even more. It's not real love. It's the kind of love that you force upon them, which you're great at. People are stubborn so once they love you and trust your lies they are more passionate about defending you. They'll go to war for you. Your lies will be their truth. That's power Roy. That's winning."

Roy Moore: "Thank you Mr. President!"

Donald Trump: "Thank YOU Roy. And thank you for helping me drain the swamp. We will truly make America great again."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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