Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Tuesday, 14 November 2017

image for Alabamians Vote in Alleged Serial Killer Judge Roger Ray Morris as Their New Senator
"As God is my witness, I have no idea how those nine bodies got into my basement."

AL--Alleged serial killer Judge Roger Ray Morris, who maintains the nine bodies buried in his basement were already there when he moved in, won an election on Tuesday against Democrat Doug Jones.

Morris, who is out on bail pending an investigation into the nine bodies found buried in his basement, called the report that he was a serial killer "fake news," begun as a smear campaign only weeks before the election by his opponent Doug Jones and the DNC.

The FBI, at this point, believe that DNA evidence found on at least four of the bodies matches Morris's DNA, but Alabamians aren't convinced. Said one loyal supporter of Morris, "Y'all know they can fake them DNA tests, if'n there's someone's out there with the same DNA as Judge Morris."

The FBI also reported that various torture devices, including a Bowie knife and a power drill with the remains of what appear to be a human skull, were found in Morris's residence, but skeptical Alabamians said the devices were likely used to dress the deer that Judge Morris was fond of hunting. Said one loyal Alabamian who called herself an Evangelical Christian, "I've known Judge Morris fer near on thirty years, and I ain't never seen him get any more violent than punching out a canvasser for Barack Obama in 2008." (The incident, reported to the local police at the time, was never pursued, since no one can find the person who filed the charge.)

Said Judge Roger Ray Morris after winning the election, "As God is my witness, I have no idea how those nine bodies got into my basement."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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