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Funny satire stories about Ted Cruz

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Funny story: Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz Are Officially Dating

Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz Are Officially Dating

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Bedroom Pillow Talk has broken the political-romantic scoop that Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene are officially “An Item.” Carolina Chipotle with BPT spoke with Taylor Greene and she was told by the dishwat…

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Funny story: Trump sets Ted Cruz's house on fire to wrap up bullying session; Cruz says "it was an honor"

Trump sets Ted Cruz's house on fire to wrap up bullying session; Cruz says "it was an honor"

It may be an understatement to say it was a challenging evening for Senator Ted Cruz as he and wife Heidi opened their home for a visit with the Trumps. Seemed Donald J. was primed for bullying and Cruz had a giant bulls eye on his forehead. Trump an…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Says He Would Have Joined Military But “My Daughters Won’t Let Me”

Ted Cruz Says He Would Have Joined Military But “My Daughters Won’t Let Me”

Dallas - Senator Ted Cruz has stepped back some of the comments he made earlier this month about the US Military. Firing back at critics who blasted him for complaining that the U.S. Military were “woke, emasculated” and not macho enough, despite…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Has Been Banned From All Taco Bells

Ted Cruz Has Been Banned From All Taco Bells

GUCAMOLE GROVE, Caifornia – (Satire News) – The news media is reporting that the Taco Bell board of directors has just voted 27-1 to ban Ted Cruz from getting within 75 feet of Taco Bell property. Board member Antonio Lopez de San Saludos, remarke…

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Funny story: Ex-President Donald J. Trump is Pissed Off At Ted “Count Dracula” Cruz For Giving Republicans a Bad Name

Ex-President Donald J. Trump is Pissed Off At Ted “Count Dracula” Cruz For Giving Republicans a Bad Name

PALM BEACH, Florida – In a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black, reports coming out of the Plywood State say that the man who turned out to be a one-term president, is furious at Senator Ted “I’m So Cold” Cruz. DJT told his BFF, Sea…

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Funny story: Daily News Update 2/23/21

Daily News Update 2/23/21

Senator Ted Cruz drew the ire of the famed climate activist Greta Thunberg today, when he condemned the US's re-entry into the Paris Climate Accords. Ms. Thunberg, who should be in school right now, told Senator Cruz, who shouldn't be in Cancun right…

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Funny story: Bernie Sanders Wins Award for Inaugural Mittens/Ted Cruz Flees to Mexico

Bernie Sanders Wins Award for Inaugural Mittens/Ted Cruz Flees to Mexico

According to sources familiar with the Vermont Senator, Bernie Sanders has just won an award from a major fashion magazine with regards to the mittens he wore to President Biden's inauguration. According to the magazine, the Senator's mittens "happen…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Says The Dildo Found in The Glove Compartment of His Kia Sorento is Not His

Ted Cruz Says The Dildo Found in The Glove Compartment of His Kia Sorento is Not His

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – According to BuzzFuzz, Ted Cruz is now the most despised senator in the history of the United States senate. BF's Sonora Cahoots spoke with several Republican senators who said that Cruz is a damn embarrassment t…

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Funny story: 91% of All Americans Agree That Ted Cruz Needs To Get His Treasonous Ass Deported Back To Guatemala

91% of All Americans Agree That Ted Cruz Needs To Get His Treasonous Ass Deported Back To Guatemala

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The latest Quinnipinni Poll states that 9 out of 10 U.S. citizens, agree that Senator Ted “Prick-Face” Cruz needs to take his anarchist-supporting ass back to Guatemala. Most die-hard Republicans hate Cruz even more…

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Funny story: GOP Must Now Rely On Post Office They Previously Destroyed

GOP Must Now Rely On Post Office They Previously Destroyed

Following the shutdown of right wing conspiracy-laden platform, Parler, GOP members must now find alternative means to communicate with their followers. This comes as tech firms Apple and Google have pulled the app from their app stores, and Amaz…

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Funny story: Where the Wild Things Were (or, Ted Cruz’s Attempted Coup)

Where the Wild Things Were (or, Ted Cruz’s Attempted Coup)

(With apologies to Maurice Sendak) The year Ted went to Congress and made mischief of one kind and another, Ben Sasse called him "CHILD THING!" and Ted said "I’LL OVERTURN A DEMOCRATIC AND FAIR ELECTION!” So he stomped off to the Senate chamber to…

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Funny story: Political Pundits Claim That Donald Trump’s Chances of Getting Re-Elected Are Now Slim to None

Political Pundits Claim That Donald Trump’s Chances of Getting Re-Elected Are Now Slim to None

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News). Most of the nation’s political pundits agree that Trump’s chances of getting re-elected are now slim to none. One pundit with Tittle Tattle Tonight said that he believes that 93-year-old Betty White has a better chan…

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Funny story: Mitch McConnell Voted The Ugliest Senator in the Senate

Mitch McConnell Voted The Ugliest Senator in the Senate

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A nationwide poll was recently conducted which dealt strictly on looks. A total of 901,883 individuals were asked to rate each one of the United States senators as far as looks go. A 10 was for handsome and beautiful. And a 1 wa...

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Funny story: Pay To Play Into College And The White House

Pay To Play Into College And The White House

Stop picking on Hollywood mothers with big smiles for trying to buy their kid into elite colleges. Indeed, it's painful enough for the mother to admit their kid is hopelessly slow. Why didn't they hire tutors to bridge the gap during high school?...

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Funny story: Fearing Political Tsunami in November, Republicans Adopt New Approaches

Fearing Political Tsunami in November, Republicans Adopt New Approaches

THE WIRED STREET URINAL REPORTER KR Schwartz DATELINE: September 27th 2018 Washington, D.C. Fearing Political Tsunami in November, Republicans Adopt New Approaches Feeling the mounting political pressure from constituents over the Senate Judi...

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Funny story: Democrat's Last Hope: Trump Exorcism

Democrat's Last Hope: Trump Exorcism

As a last desperate attempt to thwart a Trump presidency, Democrat's have enlisted the help of New Mexico's Republican Governor Susanna Martinez. Vice President Joe Biden was in Santa Fe over the holidays and took time specifically to talk to Gov...

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Funny story: Meeting Donny J.

Meeting Donny J.

Michael Jackson's boyhood home. Gary, Indiana. Aside from the King of Pop, this metropolis didn't offer much. It was a pit. All that was left of this once booming steel town was boarded-up buildings, a few liquor stores that resembled jails with all of the metal bars protecting the premises, a minor league baseball team with a brand new baseball park (the "Railcats") and various river boat cas...

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