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Funny satire stories about Ted Cruz

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Is Still One Dumbass Tiny-Peckered Douche Bag

Ted Cruz Is Still One Dumbass Tiny-Peckered Douche Bag

WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - Teodoro "El Taquito" Cruz is still regarded as one of the stupidest, most evil, ugiest, hate-spewing SOBs in America. And when he was back living in his native Costa Rica, no one, NO ONE liked the little limp-dic…

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Funny story: Ted "Dracula" Cruz Has Allegedly Molested An Inflatable Doll

Ted "Dracula" Cruz Has Allegedly Molested An Inflatable Doll

WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - One of the most arrogantly sarcastic politicians in Washington D.C. is Ted "Dracula" Cruz. Cruz has been known to scare fourth graders with his evil-sounding space alien voice. Cloud 9 News Agency reporter Lex…

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Funny story: The Cuban Carnivore

The Cuban Carnivore

Stephen Colbert said that Ted Cruz looked like a werewolf who got frozen in mid-change. I like jokes as much as the next werewolf, but this is going too far! Yes, Mr. Colbert, you have let the wolf out of the bag by revealing who Ted Cruz really i…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley Are Now Officially America's Two Limp-Wristed, Spineless Punks

Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley Are Now Officially America's Two Limp-Wristed, Spineless Punks

WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - A very reputable west coast magazine has just named Ted "Dracula" Cruz and Josh "Scaredy Cat" Hawley as co-winners of their annual "Limp Wristed, Spineless Punk Award." The Left Coast Mirror Magazine has picked t…

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Funny story: Mafia Boss Sal Goombalini Talked To Teddy "Dracula" Cruz and Cruz Apologized For Being a Two-Faced, Lying, Arrogant, Sarcastic Creep

Mafia Boss Sal Goombalini Talked To Teddy "Dracula" Cruz and Cruz Apologized For Being a Two-Faced, Lying, Arrogant, Sarcastic Creep

BROOKLYN - (Satire News) - New York Sunshine Observer reporter Carmine Calatino has written a follow up story on the head of Brooklyn's Goombalini Crime Family, Salvatore Goombalini, offering to personally take Teddy "Eddie Munster" Cruz fishing.

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Funny story: Ted "Dracula" Cruz Arrested For Scaring The Hell Out of Little Kids At a Mall In Houston

Ted "Dracula" Cruz Arrested For Scaring The Hell Out of Little Kids At a Mall In Houston

HOUSTON - (Satire News) - Two of the most hated men in the state of Texas are Gov. Greg "Wheelchair Willie" Abbott and Sen. Ted "Dracula" Cruz. The Alpha Beta News Agency recently named both GOPunks, "The Two Ugliest Looking Creepy Assholes In The…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Says He Has No Idea How The 183 Opioid Pills Got In His Political Attache Case

Ted Cruz Says He Has No Idea How The 183 Opioid Pills Got In His Political Attache Case

TIJUANA, Mexico - (Satire News) - Ted "Dracula" Cruz fled the US once again (with his two semi-cute daughters in tow) to avoid the fierce 158 MPH winds of Hurricane Cinderella. Cruz has a history for tucking his tail between his legs and going dow…

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Funny story: Salvatore Goombalini, The Head of The Notorious Goombalini Crime Family of Brooklyn Wants To Have a Nice LONG Talk With Ted "The Whining Wimp" Cruz

Salvatore Goombalini, The Head of The Notorious Goombalini Crime Family of Brooklyn Wants To Have a Nice LONG Talk With Ted "The Whining Wimp" Cruz

BROOKLYN, New York - (Satire News) - A reporter for The New York Sunshine Observer newspaper has broken the story that Salvatore Goombalini, head of the nortorious Goombalini crime family based in Brooklyn wants to have a heart-to-heart talk with one…

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Funny story: Ted’s Openly Gay for Being Anti-Gay

Ted’s Openly Gay for Being Anti-Gay

Ted Cruz thinks that when the Supreme Court voted to legalize same-sex marriage, they did bad! Is this ‘cuz the current Nazi SOTUS overturned Roe V Wade? Or is it because radical Republicans have become emboldened by the presidency of Trump tha…

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Funny story: Ted "Eddie Munster" Cruz Says That The Hundreds of Daily Death Threats Don't Scare His RINO Ass One Damn Bit!

Ted "Eddie Munster" Cruz Says That The Hundreds of Daily Death Threats Don't Scare His RINO Ass One Damn Bit!

WAXAHACHIE, Texas - (Satire News) - Ted Cruz who says he was born in Canada, but his 'real' birth certificate shows that he was born in Pudding de Platano, Guatemala, told a reporter with Hearsay Today that he is getting over 800 death threats a day,…

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Funny story: Trump Says That Ted Cruz Looks Like a Penis With Ears

Trump Says That Ted Cruz Looks Like a Penis With Ears

MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - There has never, ever been any love lost between two of the GOP's most evil pieces of buffalo shit. The Daily Drama's Cinderella St. Lamb writes that Ted Cruz, who is 51, but acts like he's just a two-year-old toddler…

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Funny story: Raphael Cruz Longs for Home

Raphael Cruz Longs for Home

After Ted Cruz shot back at a British reporter that America was “… the safest country on Earth”, people haven’t stopped laughing, this reporter included. African-Americans, like George Floyd, are laughing at the senator. Indigenous Americans, Lati…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Caught Sitting On Gov. Greg Abbott's Lap On The Ugly Douche Bag's Wheel Chair

Ted Cruz Caught Sitting On Gov. Greg Abbott's Lap On The Ugly Douche Bag's Wheel Chair

HOUSTON - (Satire News) - Boom Boom News is reporting that two of the most hated, evil, SOBs in the entire state of Texas were caught in a compromising position at a well-known gayistic park in "Space City." BBN reporter Hacienda Fiddle, said she…

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Funny story: Trump Slaps Ted Cruz at MAGA Rally Because “His Wife is Still Ugly”

Trump Slaps Ted Cruz at MAGA Rally Because “His Wife is Still Ugly”

Dallas - Appearing at a Trump rally just outside Dallas yesterday, Texas Senator Ted Cruz spoke briefly to the audience of red hatted MAGA cult fans and said he still supports the former President, even after Trump had noted in 2016 that Cruz's wife…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Declares Solidarity With Ottawa Truckers From His Hotel Room in Cancun

Ted Cruz Declares Solidarity With Ottawa Truckers From His Hotel Room in Cancun

Cancun, Mexico - U.S. Senator and renowned douchebag Ted Cruz has arranged for a picture of himself in a truck cab while in Cancun with his family, and sent it to "all the truckers in Ottawa who are nobly trying to starve out the evil people of Ottaw…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Says Daughters Tricked Him Into Saying That January 6th Was a Violent Terrorist Insurrection

Ted Cruz Says Daughters Tricked Him Into Saying That January 6th Was a Violent Terrorist Insurrection

Washington - After he was lambasted by right wing commentator Tucker Carlson on Fox News for correctly pointing out that the January 6th violent right wing insurrection, fomented by President Trump to stop the vote count in Congress, was carried out…

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Defends Nazi Salute But Goes After Big Bird

Ted Cruz Defends Nazi Salute But Goes After Big Bird

Who knew that morons came in different degrees. It used to be, "Oh, he's a moron," met the general understanding that the guy wasn't all there and easily dismissed. Case closed. Ted Cruz, the US Senator from Texas, was quickly dismissed aft…

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