Politicians in London emerged from the basement at 10 Downing Street after spending 3 weeks sequestered in a marathon brainstorming session to contrive a scheme to quash the Scottish rebellion and subjugate them with draconian punitive measures.
The two countries have been mired in an intractable feud for centuries, and British officials now fear their northern neighbor may become an independent nation. Despite the absence of intellect, the secret quorum yielded a viable solution to the crisis.
British Prime Minister David Cameron held a press conference to present the plan saying, "In an effort to end hostile relations and create a permanent bond between Scotland and England we hereby make this formal proposal to wed our two countries in a sort of matrimonial mission.
After the announcement Mr. Cameron met with reporters to explain the rationale behind the new strategy. He said it was based on simple logic that even an ignorant Scotsman can understand. The reasoning is as follows: England has always been the dominant empire with manly knights in shining armor. Scotland is week and wimpy full of effeminate guys wearing skirts and blowing bagpipes.
"In this new era of tolerance and civility among homo and heterosexual people, when gay marriage is even accepted by bigots, the time has come for us to join together in peace", the Prime Minister said. He hopes that his Scottish counterpart will be receptive to his overtures, and is offering his own personal bagpipe as a token of affection (condom not included).
