It was a sad day for Superman fans to discover that their shiny spandex wearing hero is not so super after all. It turns out the man of steel has a few imperfections which all serve to prove without a doubt that the famed hero from Krypton is nothing more then a fictitious comic book character.
Today, one the greatest hoaxes ever foiled took place on location where President Obama called a press conference. When the surprise keynote speaker was announced, media and eager observers cheered when the name Superman was called forth. Immediately however, cheering soon turned into gasps and the halitosis of the audience lingered in the air as slack jawed faces beheld a strange sight. Not one, but four men in the famed Superman tights walked onto the stage. Audience members were not the only ones in shock, but it appeared that the four men in costume were also surprised, surprised to see each other in one place. After a quick huddle session, one of the four super heroes came forward to the microphone and began to explain a troubling truth that was not met with much favour. Four words that history won't soon forget were spoken "Superman does not exist!"
For the past twenty years, Superman's gig has not been a solo performance, but the performance of four men hired by the presidency. Each man was employed in four evenly spaced regions of the American country to perform good deeds and give the people the impression that one Superman was keeping watch over the country. Obama apparently botched the whole conspiracy when he accidentally sent out a mass email to all four Supermen asking for their presence at a keynote address.
"I thought something was fishy when I noticed Superman wearing runners instead of his classic red boots." One observer commented. "I suppose if you cannot really fly you need good foot-wear to get around saving people."
Others commented on the obvious physical differences between the four men saying that one of the four was bald and looked more like famed super villain Lex Luthor. It is obvious that people are so swept up by the hype of Superman that he can normally get away with being lax about his appearance."C'mon, neither of those supposed Supermen are even wearing the famous red cape, how did I ever miss that?" exclaimed one angry onlooker.
Their were undoubtedly mixed emotions as the truth began to settle in. From tears to anger the truth about this hoax demanded an explanation which a nervous, but stoic president Obama began to deliver.
"My fellow Americans, tragedy has struck our good nation as the Superman we have come to love and depend on has died today. I know that Superman never existed to begin with, but to all of you I am sure he was alive in your hearts and imaginations and I am sorry that we had to kill your beacon of hope for this country on this sad sad day."
Weeping commenced in the streets as media and other members of the audience began to disperse. Hope has been blotted out of the eyes of many that left one of the sadist press conferences President Obama has ever delivered.