Freedom at Last for Americans

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 16 August 2015

image for Freedom at Last for Americans
'Freed' by the Rule of Law!

Extra Legislation to Protect 'Freedom'.

Washington: Congress has passed new bills under instructions from Emperor Barack Obama to protect what he calls "citizens' inviolable freedoms". What does it mean?

Well,... as a reward for giving up on their Freedom of Speech upon which America's 'democracy' is founded, American sheeple can now have their innate freedoms legally protected. They are...

(1)"Freedom of Touch".

Citizens are not empowered to touch one another at will whether in queues, shops, airports, trams or other crowded areas, unless it is completely unavoidable and can be proven to be so. A special force of Discretionary Touch Police has been set up to enforce the law.

(2)"Freedom of Smell".

People emitting bad odour that is offensive to others or farting in public places can face litigation. Mouth odour, side walk rubbish, infants soiling their nappies in public places are all under the law. A special force of Discretionary Olefactory Police has been set up to enforce the law.

(3) "Freedom of Hearing".

Mothers who cannot stop their children from crying in public places will face fines. If it can be proved that they actually enjoy inflicting such an assault on others they can face jail. Same applies to shouting or preventing someone using their cell phone by interruptive noise. Loud shouting etc is still protected at football games, concerts and the like. This is an extension of the current legislation on disturbing the peace. A special force of Discretionary Hearing Police called the Van Gogh Vigilante Department has been set up to enforce the law

(4) "Freedom of Taste".

People in restaurants or eateries who by talking, argument, or visual distraction impede another from savouring or enjoying their meal can face litigation from the offended party. A special force of Discretionary Taste Police called The Spaghetti Force has been set up to enforce the law.

(5) "Freedom of Sight".

Fat or tall people sitting in front of small people at theatres or movies or public games can face litigation from the offended party unless the seats have been preselected. The assailant can be asked to move. If he/she refuses they can be arrested on the spot. A special force of Discretionary Sight Police called The Eye of Horus Brigade has been set up to enforce the law

Said Barrack": "This is ground-breaking legislation that we hope will become international law so that personal freedoms are protected all over the world."

Opponents of these NWO guiles designed to permanently alienate man from man and place him irretrievably under fascist law and all ready for chipping say that "the White House is a large insane asylum that should be quarantined off for the sake of humanity and its inmates subjected to electro-convulsive therapy".

American lawyers have welcomed the bills saying "they are most welcomed and long overdue. Freedom is what America is all about. God bless America!"

Pope Francis has sent Obama his blessings saying that he has "achieved in one fell swoop what the Catholic Church has been trying to bring about for centuries... total, dogmatic control of the individual.".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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