Chris Christie Announces Bid for President Presidentie

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 3 July 2015

image for Chris Christie Announces Bid for President Presidentie
"My conscience is as clear as the George Washington Bridge," said Christie regarding the 2013 Bridgegate scandal.

This week, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced that he will seek the Republican nomination for president presidentie in the 2016 election.

Christie told a group of supporters in his hometown of Livingston, New Jersey, that he feels he has a good shot at winning the election. Lamenting the doublespeak and ineffectual "hand-wringing" that he says characterize the current White House, Christie pledged to bring straight-talk and true strength to the presidentie.

Christie added that he does not believe cardiovascular fitness to be nearly as important to the role.

The New Jersey governor, who boasts a nearly one-third approval rating in his home state, told the crowd that he foresees little difficulty in leaping - or laboriously clambering over - the first election hurdle: that of securing the Republican nomination.

"Those other guys have nothing on me," he declared. "Legally, that is."

The governor was especially dismissive of fellow Republican contender real estate magnate Donald Trump, who recently threw his hat into the election ring.

"I can definitely trump Trump!" Christie proclaimed.

Christie's bold rhetoric carried a great deal of weight with some Livingston residents.

"Governor Christie is a big man with big dreams, a big vision, and a big - possibly even enlarged - heart," was the takeaway impression of thirty-two-year-old Livingston resident Larry Bacon. "I will definitely support Chris Christie for president presidentie."

Others, however, pressed Christie on policy issues. Former Livingston High School teacher Katrina Collard told Christie that before she could support his bid for the presidentie, she required a better sense of the ideological differences between him and other Republic candidates like Trump.

Christie responded in his trademark "tell-it-like-it-is" manner.

"Well, for one, unlike Trump, I'm not overtly racist. I take issue with Trump's statements that all Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers and criminals. Speaking from my own personal experience, that's simply not the case. In my decade-plus in public office, I've met a number of hardworking, law-abiding Mexicans. And I've found that their work ethic more than compensates for any lack of English skills. Or height."

Christie concluded by declaring that nothing would deter him in his run (or brisk walk) for the presidentie - not even the public's lingering distaste from the 2013 "Bridgegate" scandal, in which Christie's aides, for the apparent purpose of seeking political retribution against a Democratic mayor who refused to endorse Christie's reelection for governor, collaborated to create traffic jams by closing toll lanes leading to the world's busiest bridge.

"My conscience is as clear as the George Washington Bridge," declared Christie.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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