Washington DC - The White House says most of President Obama's private emails to Hillary Clinton were returned unopened because the former US Secretary of Snakes couldn't handle Jamaican Patois.
The Creole-related Caribbean tongue-encrypted presidential communications were surreptitiously deployed by the Security Service 'partly as a joke' to annoy Mrs Clinton.
"Dem bald head was irked by dat Goodass lady," a cunning FBI linguist explained, "everyting irie until Obama git caught wiz iz pants dung."
It's not the first time the Rastafarian dialect has been used in official White House emails to protect secret information.
Insiders say that all the Obama family's private correspondence goes out in Jamaican Patois with cannabis-themed emojis.
"It's much how they talk at home among themselves," the aide explained, "apart from Grandma Mrs Robinson who'd make you wash your mouth out with soap for saying filthy things like Raas Claat."