Written by E. Williams

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

image for Wellesley College Opens Hillary Clinton School For Evasive Communications
Hillary recommends breaking stone tablets after chiseling messages on them so they can't be traced.

WELLESLEY, MA - The school where Hillary Clinton started her college career has bestowed an honor on the former First Lady by naming their new communications program after her. The Hillary Clinton School for Evasive Communications will open for business in time for the upcoming fall semester. The announcement comes at the same time that Mrs. Clinton is having to answer questions for operating a personal email account on which she conducted official government business, a possible violation of federal record keeping laws.

"We wanted to reward Mrs. Clinton as a former student for the wonderful work she's done in covering her tracks through many, many scandalous activities throughout her storied career. People say 'Name ONE accomplishment she has had.' Well, she's stayed out of jail, hasn't she? We couldn't be more proud of her!" said a delighted Margorie Cutler, Dean of Student Affairs at Wellesley.

Curriculum in the School for Evasive Communications includes classes in operating multiple servers out of one's home in order to use personal email accounts to avoid detection, like Mrs. Clinton did. Other classes for students who plan on going into a career in politics will include how to use 1980's style pagers, smoke signals, sending secret government documents in corked bottles by sea using Gulf Stream currents, Morse Code, telepathy, and even signaling with mirrors as ways to communicate without leaving a traceable connection to the user.

During their senior year in the program, students will be taught an advanced course in ancient hieroglyphics to use as a way of communicating how to funnel illegal donations, cover up major military blunders, and make secret deals with foreign leaders without leaving any evidence that can be traced back to the user.

Due to the recent discovery of Mrs. Clinton's private email debacle, there is a good chance she will be called back to testify once again in front of the Benghazi Committee to explain her secretive record keeping actions. Since Mrs. Clinton feels the "What difference, at this point, does it make?!" routine is kind of been-there-done-that and cliche, she plans on communicating her answers to the committee using a series of clicks and high pitched squeaks and squeals, so that only dolphins and whales will be capable of understanding her answers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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