NEW YORKBroadly smiling, if not giddy, President Obama held a news conference today on the White House lawn. At his last press conference, speaking about the issue of "fracking," he seemed to be scatterbrained, capricious, and distracted.
At today's press gathering, Greg Stiles of NBC news led off with a question asking the President to explain U.S. policy in the Middle East.
"Well, that's a tough one," grinned the President. "See, our bombing Isis in Syria helps our enemy al-Assad, the guy who gasses his own people but who also fights against Isis. And bombing Isis in Iraq helps our enemy, Muslim Shia Iran, because they want to overthrow the Muslim Sunni controlled government of Iraq and Isis is Sunni."
Get It? I doubt it. You press people are dense and the issues are complex. The whole thing's a mess. Say, hear the joke about the rabbi, priest and minister? I'll invite the press guys I most to manipulate to dinner and I'll tell you. It's a good one.
After the shock, loud murmurs, and eventual laughter, reporter Stiles asked a follow up Question: "But how do you solve these complicated questions?"
"I fire Check Hegel" Obama giggled. Look, it's just too complex. Like, we gave billions to Pakistan, hoping to make them our allies but they secretly give much money to our enemies the Taliban, so we supported a war against ourselves in Afghanistan. You've got to either laugh or cry," said Obama.
"Mr. President you were asked about solutions to problems in the Middle East" said Germaine Greer of the Washington Post,
"Oh, did I mention that our great allies in Saudi Arabia funded our enemies Isis in Syria and the Taliban in Afghanistan? See, Sunni Saudi Arabia hates Shias and Isis are Sunnis. But today Shia militias are fighting the Taliban in Iraq and are our pals. You just can't make this shit up, said Obama in a fit of merriment.
Obama interrupted a reporter who tried to ask a question saying,"You press guys out there can't report what I've said today. Hell, you're too dumb to understand the implications of it anyway. Just tell your readers and viewers that the Pentagon is finding a solution to the Middle East crisis."
"He continued, "The American people love the military, that will keep them at ease. Don't upset people by trying getting to them to understand complicated matters. Hell you don't know how to do that anyway. Let them watch "American Idol" and enjoy "Duck Dynasty."
Obama concluded by press conference by dancing a jig and chanting, "bomb baby bomb!"