After the news that Britain is running out of sperm donors ISIS have moved quickly to fill the gap, sending jihadists back to the UK not to blow anything up, but to blow off.
"We are a patient terrorist group," said ISIS leader, Al an Ansen. "As well as trying to take the world by force, we will take it by stealth too."
ISIS jihadists will be filling the British sperm banks with fundamentalist Muslim sperm, so that future generations of Britain will be Muslim.
News that Muslim terrorist groups are going to increasing the number of Muslims through sperm donors has had certain newspapers salivating in anticipation, with headlines like "jishadists!", "Terrorjism!" and "ISIS Cuming Over Here!"
However, Andy Jobbs, head of the UK Sperm Bank, says that the UK doesn't need to worry.
"All our donors leave full details of themselves, so we'd know who was a terrorist," said Jobbs. "Anybody who ticks the 'Have you ever been involved in a terrorist activity?' box, is definitely not going to be selected by those that withdraw from our service."
MI5 are very interested in this list, apparently.
"Once we announced that we have a terrorist question on our form," said Jobbs, "MI5 were right round. Obviously I couldn't show MI5 any of the forms. For a start, this attractive lady with a posh accent called Miss Moneypenny was looking for a potential donor at the time they came. Besides, I'm not showing secret details to the secret services! Nobody would trust me if I did that. Do I look stupid?"
People looking for sperm do not need to worry, as apparently, ISIS have made no deposits in any of Britain's Sperm Banks, although MI5 are on high alert in case of any armed anti-robberies making forced deposits in branches across the UK.
