John Terry's Wife Runs Out of Red Cards Flagging his Shagging!

Written by Morse

Monday, 1 February 2010


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Terry 'Sent Off' by Wife after at least 10 Flagrant Shagging of Willing Fowls

Claiming more than 10 hands on fouls with lovers outside their marriage, Footballer's wife, Toni, has fled to Dubai with their two children and plans to file an official complaint with the Football Federation.

Terry, England's Captain and potential hope in the World Cup, in now in jeopardy to lose his captaincy as well as his position on the team and a host of lucrative endorsements.

The final egregious foul, performed right down the pitch from his home stadium, was the alleged impregnation of the estranged wife of a former team mate and best friend traded away to a rival team.

Reports surfaced, after Judges removed a media ban on the story, that within weeks of starting the affair, the former "friend of the family" was pregnant, an event Terry tried to cover up by paying for an abortion.

According to a poll taken amongst Soccer Stars, shagging a footie mate's bird is definitely off limits, but anyone else is fair game!

Terry's other litany of tricky scores include venues in the back seat of a limo, and a miraculous goal with both feet off the ground set up maneuvering around a set of crutches in a tiny restroom in a posh London watering hole. (pardon the pun)

According to die hard fans, Terry was a threat to score anytime he was on the Pitch and allowed to roam unattended. So far, although reports of remarkable scoring feats are appearing daily, most of Terry's goals have been scored 'one on one', mostly due to dazzling footwork, and 'slight of hand.'

Rumours are starting to appear, however, that there may have been some two on one, and even three on one scores that have not yet been reported to the press, though well known amongst other 'players.'

Adding to Terry's woes is the fact that his last scoring opportunity has enlisted the aid of infamous publicist Max Clifford of Jade Goody infamy.

Any hopes Terry had to 'keep the lid' on is definitely out the window now, and it is shortly expected that heretofore hidden text messages, phone recording messages, and a bevy of sex tapes will soon overwhelm the internet media and especially The

Soccer fans say Terry's career in the UK is over, but he would have a chance to move on to the Colonies, pick up a small contract, and play on in a very small market where no one really gives a shit about the sport.

Said his former team mate, friend and aggrieved party to the latest scandal, "Well now he's donnit,hasn't he...the cat's been let out of the bag, and he can just go and fook himself. That's fair, innit?"

At least two other 'scoring stars' are now petrified that their unreported scores will also be released to the media with this precedent of no longer shielding marital infidelity under 'privacy laws.'

Locker rooms all over the UK are said to be in an 'uproar' over the publicity, and players are said to be 'furious' that their social life will now be curtailed.

"As one disgruntled married Man U fan said disgustedly, "Bloody Wankers...hired them for their feet...not their dick...this'll ruin the sport ...takes the fun right out of cheatin on the wife!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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