John Terry To Be Stripped Of Darts Team Captaincy

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Sunday, 31 January 2010

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It's been a terrible weekend for Chelsea and England captain John Terry as a cloud hovers over his suitability to lead the England team into the World Cup Finals in South Africa following widespread publication of an alleged affair with ex-teammate Wayne Bridge's partner, or whoever the tabloids are claiming it was...or wasn't.

A matter of more pressing concern to the beleaguered footballing icon and Dad Of The Year though came this morning when the landlord of the Cow and Crunt pub in Terry's home town of Oxshott, Surrey, announced that Terry was to be relieved of his captaincy of the pub darts team, probably tomorrow.

"We won't have infidelities of any description associated with my pub," landlord Dickie Dido told us. "Nor any other kind of fiddling for that matter. Of any kind. We run a tight ship here. The prick could never finish on double-top anyway so it's as good an excuse as any to can him. He can stay on the team though. We're not vindictive here. He might even get the odd game if Blind Eddie can't make it."

It is believed that Terry's position as first reserve on the pool team will be unaffected. Cow and Crunt pool team captain Twatty Armstrong told us:

"There's no change on the pool team. As far as we're concerned it's business as usual. He hardly ever plays anyway, and when he does, every time he takes to the table for a crucial shot his foot gives way under him and he falls on his arse."

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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