London - (Offside Mess): A spectacular John Terry own goal has landed in England coach Fabio Capello's red card In tray.
DNA swabs from Vanessa Perroncel's three year old son Jaydon all point to a St Valentine's Day 2006 conception.
And Wayne Bridge's injury time lawyers are taking no prisoners as Ms Perroncel considers her position.
"We're talking a sudden death penalty shoot-out," Capello aides commented today as rumors spread that Victoria Beckham has offered to referee the whole squalid mess.
The wife of former England captain David Beckham is calling an emergency WAGs' sumnmit to thrash out a last-ditch recovery game plan.
"Victoria's calling for a 4-4-2 diamond to stagger the midfield," PR guru Max Cliffhanger said today.
"The situation needs some width from the full-backs now there's a defensive midfielder looking like a deep lying playmaker."
Rough translation: watch the fur fly.