Prince Charles today spoke movingly of his pain every Mother's Day. As a packed audience listened in hushed silence Charles told them of his "vast and overpowering despair" at this time of year.
"Every year I keep hoping that it will be the last, but no, she just keeps on and on. There seems to be no end. Grannie lasted for so long because she was pickled, but Mother is in fine health".
He went on to explain that buying a box of chocolates and some flowers just didn't cut it with her. "Flowers? Have you seen her bloody gardens? I just can't compete. And she just gives the chocolates to the bloody Corgis."
Experts have said that Charles is not alone in his predicament. Dr Andi Medix of the Oliver Reed Foundation For Medical Research said "Lifestyle changes have raised life expectancy. This leads to an increase in frustration for the next generation who are eager to make their mark".
For now Charles must content himself with flying round the world on speaking engagements. But he must wonder if he will ever get to wear the Crown.