It has been claimed that Queen Elizabeth 2 is a virgin queen. For some time there have been rumours but it is only now that relevant documents have been made available.
It is believed that Prince Philip tried to consummate the marriage, but it was not easy with the queen mother being in the same room watching horse racing on the tv at the same time.
Those who do not believe the story point towards the queen's children as evidence. But evidence now proves that she had nothing to do with the creation of her 'children'. Prince Charles was the result of a botched experiment carried out by Lord Mountbattenburgcake with a chemistry set and a corgi. Princess Anne was the result of Philip's amorous liason with a former Derby winner. Andrew is the product of a union between Princess Margaret and some sailors. And Edward is related to all of the above.
A Royal Expert said "It's amazing what can happen if you put a Spoof writer, copious amounts of alcohol and a film about Queen Elizabeth 1 in the same room. Or it isn't actually."
Earl Grey was unavailable for comment. Mrs Grey was but we will refrain from repeating it.