London is Burning, and You Live by the River

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Tuesday, 19 July 2022

image for London is Burning, and You Live by the River
Banging Your Guitar Will Only Make It Hotter, Joe

Okay, my bad, I have been singing the wrong lyrics for years.

When The Clash sang “London is drowning”, I swear to the gods of punk music I thought Joe Strummer was singing “London is burning.” See, ‘cuz then the next line makes strange hopeful sense, “And I live by the river.”

So if London was burning … sorry, IS burning … then Joe and the band have hope by living close to a source of water. However, if London is drowning … well, you get it, there is no hope either way, whether London is drowning or burning. The river can’t save you. I heard some guy fell into the Thames and was pulled out and died due to the pollution he must have swallowed or just wallowed in for the few seconds or minutes he was there.

London, clean up your water. The residents will need to jump in it and not die when the temp hits plus 40 again and again and again. Politicians of all stripes sweat like pigs in +40. Who would you rather see sweat, Liz or Penny? Or the guy? Guy’s are kinda gross when they sweat except for hot guys who just look better. The world is shallow: vote according to whether the candidate looks hot while burning up and flinging sweat-soaked hair out of their eyes in slow-motion. Yeah, that’s a leader. Fuck substance – what has it ever done for anyone?

I will, of course, soon be starting an ice cream and bottled water business – I’ll be down by the river (also a great song, by Neil Young – Londoners, please listen to a lot of water-related songs) … and just now I’ve had the idea to do a little street-level guitar playing as I sing songs of ice!

We come from the land of ice and snow … now who sang that? Crank up the music and the air-conditioning … punk rock can’t save you now, London.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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