SAN ANTONIO, Texas - (Satire News) - Global warming is a factual fact. Climate change is a factual fact. But "Baby Fingers" Trump, who insists it is all just a hoax, that was invented by Nancy Pelosi and her fellow Democrats, is as fucked up as a monkey strung out on Peruvian Marching Dust (cocaine).
The temperature in San Antonio hit 117 degrees, and SAPD police officer Eric McMandarin, (Badge #8370729) said that he actually noticed parts of the famed Alamo starting to crumble, and fall to the ground from the intense heat.
He told a reporter for local TV Channel 109, that the pieces looked as if they were made out of crackers.
Officer McMandarin, actually picked up three of the pieces, and he tried to Krazy Glue them back, but the mortar, which is 312 years old is just way too damn old.
The San Antonio city council voted to have the famed historical mission/fort leveled to prevent it from completely falling down, and possibly injuring local residents, tourists, or some of the hundreds of pigeons that just hang out at the site, and poop all over the place.
SIDENOTE: The city council vote came out, five to keep the Alamo as it is. Four to demolish it. And one abstained, because she said that she was just too damn confused to make a decision, due to the fucking heat.