Polio has been discovered in London’s sewer system! YAY!
The powers that be were worried that Covid hadn’t killed enough people or created enough fear to keep people servile and worried that they could die any minute.
They brought out variants (remember those? Got your booster? Why not? Don’t want your brain to melt in six months or to suddenly come down with a case of Ebola even though you’ve never been to parts of the world where Ebola has ever existed?), then they brought out omicron, then monkey pox, and many more viruses are waiting in the wings to ‘emerge’ when most needed.
But governments are still worried that people won’t cower in fear like in 2020 when Covid still had the element of surprise.
So they figured: fuck it! Let’s bring back one of the old standard – polio! Get ready for the next wave of fear, folks! Got your polio shot? You do? Well, how about a shot for a new and improved polio? Scientists have been working on it since 2021, and it’s just about ready to go.
Boris Johnson has volunteered London to be the guinea pig for the new polio, and if it’s successful with lots of people getting sick, then the new variant will be introduced into sewer systems (blame it on the rats, not Parliament – not those rats) around the world.
Thank you, Londoners, your hard work and coming short mortality will inspire the world. Get ready for another pandemic. The economy and gas prices desperately need one!
Be the first on your block to get polio today! And do whatever your government tells you to do, no matter how many scandals they get themselves involved in. They can do it, you can’t.
PS: A slight warning: watch out for the giant mutant polio rats – coming soon to a theatre near you, literally.
