LONDON - (Satire News) - England's PM Boris Johnson told Parliament that he is thrilled and honored to announce that after over a month of the 707th Queen's Elite Infantry Regiment fighting in Ukraine against Putin's invading horde, the brave Brit troops are heading back to merry olde England.
Johnson stated that while fighting the communists in Ukraine, the 707th defeated four of the best regiments of Putin's fiercest and most experienced soldiers. The prime minister noted that the English soldiers captured a total of 42,328 Russian troops.
According to Field Marshall Throckmorton D. Dishadilly Jr., who commanded the 18,000 members of the gallant 707th regiment, a total of 908 British troops will be awarded the Victoria Cross for unbridled gallantry and heroism.
According to a member of The Ta Ta For Now News Agency, who was embedded with the 707th, many of the English soldiers are bringing back captured Russia military artifacts such as AK-47 assault rifles, Joseph Stalin swords, Russian grenades, and lots of unopened bottles of Comrade 180 Proof Vodka.
SIDENOTE: The entire 18,000 members of the 707th will be honored with a big Royal Party and Concert in Wembley Stadium, which will be hosted by Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, and Cheryl Cole. Queen Elizabeth will be in attendance and music will be provided by The Rolling Stones.
