SOUFFLE CITY, Ukraine - (Satire News) - Souffle City's TV Channel 129, is reporting that three Ukrainian female soldiers have just captured a regiment of crack Russian troops.
The 82½ Moscow Infantry Regiment, which numbered 717 soldiers decided to surrender to the three females whose combined weight averaged 116 pounds.
One of the women, identified as Lt. Ophelia Offenchevski, 28, carried a military weapon that only had four bullets left.
Earlier in the day, Lt. Offenchevski was relaxing back at camp dressed in a "Nowhere But Kyiv" T-shirt, a pair of Britney Spears designer sneakers, and an extremely tight-fitting pair of Daisy Duke short shorts.
A spokesperson for the Russian soldiers, Corporal Nikkos Vannaviski, 63, said that every last one of the communist soldiers had not eaten in 72 hours, or drank any water in 63 hours, or even peed in 41 hours.
SIDENOTE: Lt. Offenchevski said that her and her two fellow female soldiers offered the Russians their rations of mac and cheese, Ramen, onion rings, Twinkies, and diet water.