Terry Heckingthwaite, a six-month-old tin of spam from the corner shop knows that he is going to spend the last few precious moments of his life on the Harvest Table at the local church.
'Yes' said the morose collection of tin, label, and unidentified meat 'I know my fate. Every day I am in the cupboard it becomes more and more obvious what my fate will be'.
Owner Tara GeraldFitz has forgotten about the Church's Harvest Festival this year, but plans to give Terry to someone in the Secret Santa she gets at work.
'I hate everyone at work' she said 'so a crap present like Spam will be great'.