Conspiracy believers celebrate Freedom Day in the UK and ask why they had to wear masks if lions did not have to

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Monday, 19 July 2021

image for Conspiracy believers celebrate Freedom Day in the UK and ask why they had to wear masks if lions did not have to
If you see one of these shopping at Sainsbury's ask it why it's not wearing a mask!!

As usual, the reckless, pompous, quite ridiculous Brit PM (we all know his name) has gone and plonked the UK into a dilemma of not knowing what the fuck to do about this damn pandemic.

His solution is, "Do what you fucking want and today the 19th of July 2021 is Freedom Day!" This quite surrealistic decision has got young Brits going completely 'bananas' and celebrating as if Nazi Germany had just been conquered!

However, conspiracy believers are now questioning why the fuck people had to wear protective masks and keep social distancing anyway! Jaggedone has sent these ridiculous questions to a virus expert residing on top of Salisbury Hill who wants nothing to do with the utter madness, and here are his answers to the questions:

1) Why do people have to wear masks and lions do not? Answer: Because lions do not shop at fucking Sainsbury's, morons! (Thanks, James, for that one, very Precious)

2) Why don't monkeys wear masks, and do not keep social distancing, and we must? Answer: Because if you give monkeys peanuts, they do not have to purchase them at Tesco's, imbeciles!

3) Why did we have to go into lockdown and tigers do not? Answer: Because tigers locked up in zoos have been locked-down before the word was invented, idiots!

4) Why couldn't we go into a boozer and get a pint of best British bitter without a mask on and alcoholics get pissed with impunity every day and never wear masks? Answer: Alcoholics generally do not know what the fuck they are doing, and 'normal' people treat them like lepers, so they have social distancing anyway, buttheads!

5) Why couldn't we sit on beaches like rows of sardines stuffed in tins and seals can, without masks? Answer: Seals pong, people pong, but seals hate idiot fucking people, so they keep away from them and certainly keep their distance!

So, lovely, free UK Brits enjoy your 'Freedom Day' party until you drop, (Many will after today) do not bother to wear masks, or keep social distancing, but please Jaggedone begs you all, "stay on your fucking island and do not infect the rest of the planet with your BOJO bullshit!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more