New Mandate Requires US Citizens to Wear 3 Masks at All Times

Funny story written by ScottTalbotEvans

Thursday, 3 June 2021

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Citing a recent upsurge in the number of COVID-19 cases, the Center for Disease Control has issued a tightening of safety precautions out of an over-abundance of caution.

All US citizens must wear 3 levels of protection AT ALL TIMES. It must cover the entire face, head, neck, and shoulders. This includes when showering, bathing, and sleeping.

The first mask shall be a HEPA filter, the second must contain activated charcoal, and the third will be the standard military-grade World War One gas mask.

In addition, the social distancing requirement has been extended to 30 feet. All individual, whether they are in groups of ten, or completely alone in the woods, must stand 30 feet apart. How a person is supposed to stand 30 feet apart was not explained.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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