The sleepy village of Chaffinch St Cock was the centre of controversy today, after last night a mob with torches tore down the statue of Piers Morgan that stood in the village square.
The statue depicted the celebrity journalist squatting over the very toilet that he used when he paid a visit to the "worst village in Britain" in 2014. It was left smashed by the roadside after the crowd demolished it. The reason for its destruction was apparently because of Morgan's immature and selfish behaviour in storming off Good Morning Britain on Tuesday when confronted with his immature and selfish behaviour.
Village priest Reverend Geoff Touche said he was glad that the statue had been torn down. "Morgan is demonic by his very nature. I hated to see this idol every day on my way to church. The goats didn't like it either - it spooked them when we brought them to the church for Sunday sacrifice. We practice a very pagan form of Christianity here."
Other villagers were pleased with the outcome. Butcher Geoff Jefferson couldn't stand the "monstrous" statue. "Everybody knows Piers is a c***. Why would you want a status of a c*** in yer village? Bunch of c***s!"
However, there was one person in the village who defended the statue, and said it was a travesty that it had been torn down. Tea-shop owner Piers Morgan, who was born Nancy Mrectum, but changed her name to Piers Morgan when she became president of the Piers Morgan fan club, was angry. "This is just cancel culture. You can't cancel a statue, no more than you can cancel a cup of tea once you've ordered it.”
She continued, “Piers is a national hero. Considering his journalistic career, he is very much like a slave trader, bringing misery and suffering to millions for profit. And he defends the bigotry of the royal family, like a true patriot. So this historic monument that I paid for should have stood until the end of time.”