Man Disappointed That Santa Claus Didn't Visit

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Friday, 25 December 2020

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Geoff Lone, 46, of Chaffinch St Cock, was bitterly disappointed that he did not receive a visit from Santa Claus on Christmas night.

"I waited by the fireplace until the sun came up," slurred the gin-soaked former builder. "He never came."

Mr Lone admitted that he had a reason for wanting to meet the festive gift-giver. "Christmas hasn't been the same since my ex-wife left and took the kids. I thought I'd talk to Santa about it - maybe he'd be able to pass a message on to them, because I'm not allowed to talk to them any more."

He did not sleep at all during the night, instead sipping at a bottle of gin "to calm his nerves", while hoping that the fictional being would appear. To keep himself amused during the long wait, he rambled incoherently to himself about what he would talk about with Santa, and all the things that had gone wrong in his life.

"Maybe next year, eh," he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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