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Funny satire stories about alcoholism

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Funny story: One in Five Americans is Heavily Drinking Alcohol

One in Five Americans is Heavily Drinking Alcohol

One in five Americans is heavily drinking alcohol, according to a new survey conducted by The Harris Poll, one of the top analytics firms. And it appears Covid may be part of the reason. The study was commissioned by an Irish biopharmaceutical compan…

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Funny story: Man Disappointed That Santa Claus Didn't Visit

Man Disappointed That Santa Claus Didn't Visit

Geoff Lone, 46, of Chaffinch St Cock, was bitterly disappointed that he did not receive a visit from Santa Claus on Christmas night. "I waited by the fireplace until the sun came up," slurred the gin-soaked former builder. "He never came." Mr L…

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Funny story: Nashville Man Takes Sobriety Two Days at a Time

Nashville Man Takes Sobriety Two Days at a Time

“I’ve always been kind of an over-achiever,” said Chase Landry of Nashville, Tennessee, who’s been working hard to overcome his issues with alcohol. “The ‘just for today’ concept may work for some people, but I think it’s important to think ahead.”...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Makes Good Start on Sobriety

Nashville Man Makes Good Start on Sobriety

Determined to kick his debilitating drug and alcohol habit, Travis Jones of Nashville, Tennessee, made an excellent start on sobriety by limiting his periods of intoxication to approximately 50 percent of his waking hours. "Not too shabby," said J...

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Funny story: Vagrancy and alcoholism to be taught in British schools

Vagrancy and alcoholism to be taught in British schools

The government last night outlined plans to include the teaching of vagrancy and the dependency on strong drink as part of the national curriculum in 2020. A spokesperson for the Department of Education told newsmen: "In the present difficult eco...

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Funny story: Nashville Musician Determined to Face His (Possible) Alcohol Issues

Nashville Musician Determined to Face His (Possible) Alcohol Issues

No longer willing to live in denial, Harry Platt, a professional steel guitar player living in Nashville, Tennessee, says that he is determined to face his (possible) issues with alcohol. “There have been a few red flags,” said Platt, who noted th...

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Funny story: Nashville Man's Sorrows Learn to Swim

Nashville Man's Sorrows Learn to Swim

After decades of successfully drowning his sorrows with whiskey, craft brews, and even the occasional black coffee, Nashville man Bryce Rutledge, Jr., was disconcerted to find that those tried-and-true drowning techniques no longer worked; it seemed...

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Funny story: Parents who get pissed in front of their kids could damage them!

Parents who get pissed in front of their kids could damage them!

UK scientists, after studying the behavior of kids witnessing their parents boozing have come to the conclusion; it is bad for them! This 'rocket science' discovery will rock the medical fraternity and hopefully teach binge drinking parents, who d...

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Funny story: Allardyce Names Squad For 2018 World Cup Embarrassment

Allardyce Names Squad For 2018 World Cup Embarrassment

Sam Allardyce has named his 23 man squad for the 2018 FIFA World Cup with Paul Gasgoine in alongside Kenny Sansom while Bobby Charlton and Gordon Banks miss out along with the late Stanley Matthews. Gasgoine impressed during Euro '96 scoring again...

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Funny story: Area Man Convinced All of His Problems "Just Old Age"

Area Man Convinced All of His Problems "Just Old Age"

Santa Cruz, California - 79 year old Santa Cruz resident Harry Rider discounted as "irrelevant" his personal habits in explaining a recent hospitalization. Mr. Rider was rushed to the hospital early yesterday morning after having smoked a gram of...

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Funny story: Man who gets drunk daily denies that he's an alcoholic

Man who gets drunk daily denies that he's an alcoholic

New York, N.Y. - Drew Dow of Roosevelt Island is an ordinary man with an extraordinary ability: his stomach uses excess yeast in his digestive tract to ferment carbs and sugar-dense foods into alcohol. This rare health condition is called auto-brewer...

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Funny story: Dean R. Koontz

Dean R. Koontz

Dean R. Koontz, known (by colleague and competitor Stephen King) as "the Stephen King of the West Coast," dissociates himself with horror, saying, "To be a horror writer, one must be a horrible writer." He is not to be confused with his fictional alter ego, horror writer Dean Koontz. Koontz was born in Pennsylvania, under a host of pseudonyms, and conceived the plots of his first 33 novels whi...

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Funny story: The Para Lytic Games - Day 3 Report

The Para Lytic Games - Day 3 Report

Drinks all round as Brits hit Gold (Labels) - Four days into the games, and as predicted, the big two teams of Russia and Great Britain are dominating the medal table with five golds each. The shock of day two was the defeat of defending champion...

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Funny story: Scottish Alcoholism is on the decrease - at last!

Scottish Alcoholism is on the decrease - at last!

According to a study, Scots are drinking less alcohol than they were a year ago. Scottish adults still drink (on average) 115% more than their English counterparts, but the drop is encouraging. It now means more Scots are using milk on their cornfla...

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Funny story: Rare Outbreak of Raccoon Alcoholism in Rural Missouri

Rare Outbreak of Raccoon Alcoholism in Rural Missouri

PUXICO, MO- Last weekend a Puxico resident noticed peculiar behavior among some of the furry critters that live on his farm. The raccoons were displaying signs of increased aggression, momentary fatigue, and a lack of hygiene. The local wildlife serv...

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Funny story: My Top 10 Reasons for Drinking Too Much

My Top 10 Reasons for Drinking Too Much

10. According to my horoscope, that's what I was supposed to do. 9. My dad drank too much. 8. My girlfriend drinks too much. 7. Being sober around drunk people sucks. 6. Dry heaves are almost as good as crunches - and that's on top of my smoker's cough! 5. Artists, musicians and writers always drink too much - that's just the way it is. 4. I'm tired of feeling left out. 3. I'm...

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Funny story: Gazza Embarassed By Super Injunction

Gazza Embarassed By Super Injunction

Former England international Paul Gascoigne has revealed he took out a Carlsberg Super Injunction in 2005 to protect his privacy, but admits that it was a mistake. The Geordie, who made 57 appearances for England and scored 10 goals, has been wagi...

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