No-Deal Brexit: Hull and Grimsby Cock-a-Hoop while most Britons admit We Don't Give a Sh*t About Fishing

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Friday, 11 December 2020

image for No-Deal Brexit: Hull and Grimsby Cock-a-Hoop while most Britons admit We Don't Give a Sh*t About Fishing
"We salute you, Nigel Farage. Now where do we sell our fish?"

"We will be forever grateful to Nigel Farage and that one meeting he attended while sitting on the EU's fisheries committee for eight years. If he hadn't been on our side we would have been sold down the river. He fully deserves his £75,000 pa EU pension." So said Mr Albert Smoked-Mackerel chairman of Grimsby based pressure group Fishermen UK United (FUKU). He continued further:

"Yes, it's true that we contribute a massive 0.002 per cent of GDP to the economy, and we employ about 13,000 people, which is as many as Harrod's, but you can't deny us sovereignty over our waters. Those North Sea fish are British through and through."

Mr Smoked-Mackerel brushed off reports of a forthcoming MORI opinion poll commissioned for Channel 4 News and The Guardian which has found that 95% of Britons don't give a sh*t about fishing, and consider it as a Trojan Horse for Boris Johnson's no-deal Brexit.

"Channel 4 News and The Guardian? Those Remoaner bastards, what do they know? They've never backed our Brexit, all they do is carp about what a disaster it is. I rely on the figures from that nice Mr Rees-Smug's ERG. They're backing us 100 per cent."

When asked if Nigel Farage's statement that "Job losses are a price worth paying" held true in Grimsby and Hull, Mr Smoked-Mackerel showed no concerns.

"There will be plenty of jobs here when we're allowed to catch as many fish as we please. Bugger the rest of the country! We'll be fine if the EU continues to buy our catches."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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