Experience: Jeremy Corbyn stole my Rhubarb

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Thursday, 10 December 2020

image for Experience: Jeremy Corbyn stole my Rhubarb
Corbyn planning his next crime

I'd had an allotment in Islington for a few years, and other allotment owners had warned me about security, saying that theft was a problem.

I didn't believe it, at first. I mean, who wants to steal small amounts of home-grown fruit and vegetables? It's not worth it, and, as the criminal fraternity says, "if you can't do the time, don't do the crime."

Anyway, I had the feeling that small quantities of my produce were disappearing, so I began to keep a tally. First, it was maybe a pound of my King Edwards, and then my cucumber patch was robbed, so I decided to install a security camera.

A few days later, I reviewed the footage, and bugger me if it didn't catch that old Marxist Corbyn rummaging among my rhubarb! I tell you right now, it's not property that's theft, it's frigging old beardies nicking the fruits of my labour.

Well, I had a few strong words with him, as you can guess, and Corbyn denied it, so I said, "who the fuck was it, then? Was it Santa Claus or fucking Captain Birdseye? No, it was you!" Anyway, I got my own back by letting my dogs shit all over his strawberries. Enjoy your home made jam, Jezza!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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