Waitrose Shoppers go on Panic Buying Rampage

Funny story written by cadders

Friday, 2 October 2020

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Keep calm and at Taramaslata!

As a second lockdown becomes increasingly likely, due to the dreaded virus, even Waitrose shoppers have begun to panic buy.

Stores around the country are reporting shortages of black olives, ciabatta and sun-dried tomatoes.

One branch in Berkshire was mobbed by a gang of angry women complaining that supplies of Prosecco had run out, whilst another, in Surrey, was firebombed, after the rumour spread that it would no longer stock jackfruit.

Supplies of mineral water, humus and hand-cooked crisps are also reported to be running low, whilst cumquats, asparagus and kiwi fruit have disappeared from the shelves entirely.

It has also been reported that essentials such as bath bombs, beard oil and craft gin may also soon begin to run low.

Stores in the north of the country aren't escaping either, with stocks of oven chips, caviar and tanning lotion coming under threat in Cheshire.

One woman in Berkshire was seen reversing her Volvo along the "Too Posh for Plebs" aisle, whilst another man, in Buckinghamshire, was arrested after a violent scuffle broke out over a jar of wild mushrooms.

"It's a potential disaster," one economist was quoted as saying.

"If we aren't careful, the streets will soon be filled with mindless zombies desperately seeking wild boar pate."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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