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Funny satire stories about Supermarkets

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Funny story: Waitrose Shoppers go on Panic Buying Rampage

Waitrose Shoppers go on Panic Buying Rampage

As a second lockdown becomes increasingly likely, due to the dreaded virus, even Waitrose shoppers have begun to panic buy. Stores around the country are reporting shortages of black olives, ciabatta and sun-dried tomatoes. One branch in Berksh…

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Funny story: Reduced Milk Was Off

Reduced Milk Was Off

A liter of milk that was purchased for half its normal retail price at a local supermarket was 'off', and not fit for human consumption, claims a human who tried to consume it. The milk, which was 'Full Cream', had been selling for its regular pri…

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Funny story: Please Panic Buy Again, Urge Supermarkets

Please Panic Buy Again, Urge Supermarkets

UK supermarkets and retailers have urged both fat, sweaty halfwits and rich, greedy twats to start hoarding and panic buying again, after news that a minor "lockdown" will be needed to halt the spread of Covid-19. "We need these morons to spend,"…

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Funny story: Supermarket adopts novel way to encourage Mask Wearing in store

Supermarket adopts novel way to encourage Mask Wearing in store

Whilst the four major supermarkets have said that they won't be tackling customers who refuse to wear face masks in their branches, rising German favourite, Aldilliddle, have admitted that they're going to be more decisive. "Ve learned not to take…

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Funny story: Man Applies For Job, Stacking Shelves At Wegman's

Man Applies For Job, Stacking Shelves At Wegman's

A local man who claims he can't stand doing his current job any longer, has taken the extraordinary step of applying for a shelf-stacking position at Wegman's. The man, who is currently involved in 'imparting knowledge', says he cannot put up with...

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Funny story: Check-out Girl's Breasts Were Visible To Man In Queue

Check-out Girl's Breasts Were Visible To Man In Queue

A girl serving on the check-out at an internationally-known supermarket was told, today, to button-up her shirt or face disciplinary action, after it was alleged by one man, that he could see her breasts. John Letch, 48, was standing in the queue...

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Funny story: Clean Up in Aisle One

Clean Up in Aisle One

My Ami, Florida—Pubix, a Florida grocery chain, has posted signs outside its stores: no dogs allowed (unless they are trained service dogs) and no dogs allowed in or on grocery carts (even if they are trained service dogs). The problem is that the do...

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Funny story: Supermarket Mergers, Pacts And Other Such Shit

Supermarket Mergers, Pacts And Other Such Shit

There was a swift reaction to the news earlier this week that supermarket giants Asda and Sainsbury were to merge, when several other major players also announced their own intentions to join forces. First to react was Tesco, who revealed that the...

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Funny story: UK supermarket shoppers are sick of being called "Darling" and prefer "Bitch!"

UK supermarket shoppers are sick of being called "Darling" and prefer "Bitch!"

A leading UK supermarket has ordered its cash till operators to stop calling punters, darling, sweetheart, luv, or anything else that makes modern day shopper's blood cringe! Back in the old days of the "Old Corner Shop" these expressions were acc...

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Funny story: Dog crap in UK supermarket trolleys is unhygienic claims mum!

Dog crap in UK supermarket trolleys is unhygienic claims mum!

Children dumped in supermarket trolleys for free fun-rides through colourful, tasty looking gangways are to be banned because of doggy poop! A very hygienic mum, wearing rubber gloves, observed kiddies, even up to the grand old age of 9, being pus...

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Funny story: Well known UK supermarket chain invite rats to shop till they drop!

Well known UK supermarket chain invite rats to shop till they drop!

One of UK's largest supermarkets have decided to open their doors to a horde of rats! Instead of attempting to poison them, the supermarket feels rats are a perfect way of ridding the place of discarded food thrown away because the date of purchase h...

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Funny story: 200 corpses found buried under Paris supermarket

200 corpses found buried under Paris supermarket

Paris, France - "At first we thought they'd died of la peste (the plague)," Inspector Clouseau said today as a mass grave of more than 200 corpses was discovered under a Paris supermarket. "Then we realised it could be the missing remains of 'Les...

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Funny story: Cameron tells jobless "Wear blindfolds in supermarkets or lose benefits."

Cameron tells jobless "Wear blindfolds in supermarkets or lose benefits."

The Prime Minister has announced plans to introduce the wearing of blindfolds in supermarkets for all benefit claimants which will be introduced of the Tories win the next General Election in May. The new requirement will apply to anyone claiming...

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Funny story: Duke Of Edinburgh Latest Faux Pas - "Greek Economy Is All Greek To Me"

Duke Of Edinburgh Latest Faux Pas - "Greek Economy Is All Greek To Me"

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh speaking at the opening of a new Greek themed hypermarket, caused much amusement yesterday, when he pulled out what appeared to be a crumpled script from his pocket and read out the following list, apparently not real...

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Funny story: Christmas Aisles Cleared From Supermarkets

Christmas Aisles Cleared From Supermarkets

U.K Supermarkets have all followed each other in a gaffe caused by a "night staff" manager in Fresco. Overnight shelf stackers have replaced all Christmas items on the shelves of major supermarkets with Easter eggs. Most people have experienced th...

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Funny story: Supermarket contrives to make matters worse

Supermarket contrives to make matters worse

Beleaguered supermarket chain, Tesdabury's found itself embroiled in yet more controversy last night after it emerged that the under-fire company has been systematically spying on its customers and then misusing the information it has acquired in doi...

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Funny story: Supermarket to recall every bit of food ever sold

Supermarket to recall every bit of food ever sold

If it wasn't bad enough for the supermarket giants Tesdabury's, it emerged last night that board members were in talks to recall every bit of food ever sold after an unhealthy overweight monkey was found dead in a bag of banana's bought by an elderly...

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