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Funny satire stories about Panic Buying

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Funny story: Toilet Paper Panic Buying Wipes Out The Grocery Store Isles (Again)

Toilet Paper Panic Buying Wipes Out The Grocery Store Isles (Again)

LOS ANGELES – (Satire News) – Well, it looks like the panic rush on toilet paper has hit the nation once again. The Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that thousands of supermarkets throughout the land of the red, white, and do, have sold out of…

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Funny story: Waitrose Shoppers go on Panic Buying Rampage

Waitrose Shoppers go on Panic Buying Rampage

As a second lockdown becomes increasingly likely, due to the dreaded virus, even Waitrose shoppers have begun to panic buy. Stores around the country are reporting shortages of black olives, ciabatta and sun-dried tomatoes. One branch in Berksh…

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Funny story: Please Panic Buy Again, Urge Supermarkets

Please Panic Buy Again, Urge Supermarkets

UK supermarkets and retailers have urged both fat, sweaty halfwits and rich, greedy twats to start hoarding and panic buying again, after news that a minor "lockdown" will be needed to halt the spread of Covid-19. "We need these morons to spend,"…

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Funny story: Letters to the Editor about Coronavirus

Letters to the Editor about Coronavirus

Dear Sir, this crisis has had some good results. One is that we are going back to many of the old ways, with not being able to go out and the supermarket shelves emptied of toilet rolls and suppositories. My husband has gone back to not wiping...

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Funny story: CA Gov Urges Residents to Panic Buy and Hoard

CA Gov Urges Residents to Panic Buy and Hoard

April 1, 2020 (Sacramento, CA). California Governor Newsom has urged all CA residents to storm their local grocery and hardware stores to boost the economy and show support for local businesses. He dismissed critics' concerns about violating soci...

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Funny story: Man who stockpiled food gets sick from eating too much

Man who stockpiled food gets sick from eating too much

Geoff Kerr, 42, of Arsechester, was admitted to hospital on Thursday night, suffering from excessive vomiting after he overate. Kerr, who works as a quantity surveyor, thought that people would stockpile food, so he bought ten weeks' worth of shoppin...

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Funny story: Panic-buying rocks the rich and frocked

Panic-buying rocks the rich and frocked

Looking for deep-frozen chicken drumsticks? Forget it! Britain's supermarkets were stripped of the delicacies on Monday by Royal staff, hoarding the nibbles for Charles and Camilla. "Life without chicken drumsticks is unthinkable," explained the Prin...

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Funny story: Coronavirus food shortages leads to Brits eating horse meat

Coronavirus food shortages leads to Brits eating horse meat

Food shortages in the UK have led to supermarkets and butchers resorting to selling horse meat, as stockpiles of beef, pork and chicken are diminished by panic-buying Brits. Many shoppers are confessing that they actually enjoy the taste of horses...

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Funny story: Epidemic of panic-buying sweeps Britain

Epidemic of panic-buying sweeps Britain

Behind the back of a Greggs, a hooded ne'er-do-well is subtly offering his wares to passers-by. "Quilted!" he whispers, "3-ply super-soft." He offers to sell me a twelve-pack of Andrex for £50. I manage to haggle the price down to £40 - I really need...

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Funny story: Chocolate harvest failed, women advised to stock-up

Chocolate harvest failed, women advised to stock-up

Women are being urged to stockpile chocolate with the news that the 2012 cocoa bean crop is the lowest on record. "Basically," said psychologist, Paige Turner, "if you're a woman and you're menopausal, breaking up with your boyfriend, having a bad...

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Funny story: Cameron Advises Britain To Make Custard More Watery!

Cameron Advises Britain To Make Custard More Watery!

Supermarkets throughout Britain continued to report panic buying of vanilla products by their customers today following Tuesday's news from the island of Madagascar that the dreaded Melpona Beetle has destroyed an estimated 95% of this season's crops...

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