Man Finds It Difficult To Eat When Wearing A Face Mask

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 24 September 2020

image for Man Finds It Difficult To Eat When Wearing A Face Mask
How is he supposed to eat with this on?

A man who strictly obeys rules and has been closely observing the government's instructions during the Coronavirus pandemic, has said that, although he wears a protective face mask all of the time, this causes problems when he is taking his meals.

Myke Woodson, from Oaf-on-Sea in East Yorkshire, claims that, because of the mask's design, he finds it impoosible to get food or drink into his mouth properly, without making a terrible mess all over the place.

He said:

"It makes a right old bloody mess! Food on the mask, down me chin, on me shirt and trousers ... I'm absolutely clarted in it! Me wife thinks I'm barmy!"

When drinking, he says, it's just about possible.

"Well, if I tilt my head backwards at, say, 45 degrees, and pour the water in, some of it ends up in my throat by a process of slowly 'seeping' through the mask, taking the taste of the fabric with it. Even then, water goes on me face, on me clothes, on the table, floor, everywhere! Bloody virus!"

Woodson says that he hopes a vaccine for Covid-19 is found soon, or he might have to consider rebelling, and breaking the rules - just until he's finished eating his din-din, anyway.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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