Man got elephant's tusk stuck up his bottom

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Sunday, 13 September 2020

image for Man got elephant's tusk stuck up his bottom
Sadly for Jimbo, he will never forget this experience

Zookeepers at Chester Zoo were surprised this morning to hear the anguished cries of a man in pain in the elephant enclosure. Rushing to help, they discovered a man lying with his trousers round his ankles next to the Asian bull elephant, Jimbo, who was fast asleep. The end of Jimbo's tusk was firmly embedded in the man's anus.

The man was identified as 47-year-old Geoffroy Stuffing, a pipe fitter from Chaffinch St Cock. He claims that he had broken into the zoo at night to visit the animals, because it was too expensive to pay the admission fee during the day.

As the temperature was surprisingly warm for a September night, he had lowered his trousers. Then, while attempting to pet the large pachyderm, he had slipped and fallen onto the four-foot tusk, which had penetrated his rectum to a depth of twelve inches.

Stuffing was rushed to hospital where, miraculously, it was found that there was no internal damage, indicating that he must have fallen very slowly onto the tusk. Doctors also found traces of lubrication, which Stuffing claimed he had applied earlier in the evening to help with a constipation problem.

The man was later released from hospital, and is looking forward to his next adventure - swimming with narwhals.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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