Queen Backs Full Return To Work

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 14 September 2020

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Put your back into it, you lazy plebs!

As calls from the general public to get back to normal, and to return to work continue to gather momentum, Her Majesty the Queen has waded into the row, and given her own personal backing to end the lockdown, saying she, herself, intends to get back to her regular working schedule.

Insiders at Buckingham Palace say the Queen has well and truly 'had enough' of the disruption, and has repeatedly been heard muttering that she is:

"Fed up to the back teeth of it all!"

The sovereign is a noted workaholic, and hates being sat around twiddling her thumbs. Aside from taking expensive royal trips abroad, she and the Duke of Edinburgh often receive leaders of other countries on state visits to Britain at the Palace or Windsor Castle. She also 'mucks in' with washing the pots, occasionally does the dusting, and regularly darns Prince Philip's socks.

Famously, after the Trooping of the Colour in 1987, she got 'stuck in' with a pitchfork to remove some of the mountains of horseshit that had been deposited on Pall Mall.

One of the Queen's brigade of butlers said:

"She's never idle, and always turning her hand to something. Why, only last week, she took a wine glass out of my hand as I held it to her lips to sip at, and proceeded to hold it between her own dainty, little royal fingers!"

A member of the Palace kitchen squadron said:

"She says there's a leak under the sink, a puncture to mend on Harry's bike, and a light bulb needs changing in room 174C in the East Wing which she's going to sort out."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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