Sex To Be Taxed

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 28 September 2020

image for Sex To Be Taxed
Nothing is free these days!

There was grim news on the horizon this evening, when it was announced from Whitehall that, from 1 January next year, sex will become taxable.

The Coronavirus has effectively put paid to British business, with manufacturing almost at a standstill, firms going into liquidation left, right and centre, and tens of thousands of employees - if not more - having lost their jobs.

This, on the back of Brexit, and terrible prospects in every sector of industry that it was going to bring, meant that revenue from income tax was going to take a huge hit, and send the government into a tailspin with its spending plans.

Now, however, an innovative idea from the Tories is set to get things back on track.

There's a 'sliding scale', of course. Plain old 'in/out' will be taxed at 2% of one's salary, whilst other, more glamorous activities will attract a higher rate of taxation. More than three '69ers' per month, for example, might be as much as 4%, whereas group sex with the neighbours might not only land the participants in a Super Tax band, it might also get them 'outed' on Facebook.

It's not yet been announced just how the government will monitor people's sexual activity, but rumours are already circulating that a curtain-penetrating camera satellite in space is to be used.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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