Drinker slung out of pub for being drunk

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Tuesday, 8 September 2020

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Southern Jessies!

A man who had, allegedly, drunk five pints of lager in an Essex pub at the weekend, was thrown out by the landlord for being drunk.

Dave Brown, 28, who had been supping at the Bulldog and Nettles public house in Braintree from 5 o'clock until closing time on Saturday night, was making a nuisance of himself, according to the landlord, Dave Black.

Another Dave - Dave Green - backed this story up.

Said Green, "Dave was making a bit of a knob of himself. You know, shouting louder than necessary, putting his arms round people and telling them he loved them, laughing hysterically at his own jokes, and he was unsteady on his feet. He was a bit tipsy."

Black said, "We had a pub full of people, and Dave had gone too far. We cater for all kinds of folks, but to come in here and get drunk like that, it's just not acceptable."

Brown said the next day, "I have to hold my hands up and say that I had drunk one too many. In fairness, I'm not usually so out of control as that, and I hope Dave - Dave the Landlord, that is - won't hold it against me."

Black laughed off this suggestion. He said, "No, not at all. These things happen, sometimes. Up north, they can drink a lot more, but down here, us Southern Jessies can't always take large amounts of beer. It's in the past now - let's move on."

Dave White, who plays in the pub's darts team, said, "What a carry on!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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