Anti-lockdown literature regulations are harsh but necessary

Funny story written by sean hodgson

Monday, 10 August 2020

image for Anti-lockdown literature regulations are harsh but necessary
It's the unwritten meaning of unwritten words that mean the most

The writer Brenda O’Lox is being hunted after breaching government anti-lockdown literature regulations. Her online story, ‘I haven’t seen anyone in three months, and also my Rabbit’s batteries are dead’, was regarded as ‘too earnest’.

‘If the story was about the lack of toilet rolls or, more precisely, the fear there could be a lack of toilet rolls, or, even better, a story about someone describing a fringe play about the fear of there being no toilet rolls, as expressed through the medium of contemporary dance, then I’d be lenient,’ said Joseph G. Balls, minister for publishing, ‘but this type of dangerous, self-indulgent, angst-filled misery will result in wrists and throats being slit - the readers, the writers and, quite possibly, mine.’

‘A key aspect of my work is the space between the words,’ said Brenda, ‘not just the pauses, when spoken, but the spaces on the page. I’ve put an extra space after each comma and full stop. These spaces speak of emptiness, and reveal how I connect and empathise with the readers' despair.’

This piece will also feature in a secret underground compendium of lockdown literature called ‘Talking Bollocks - Forty thousand words of lockdown misery’. All the pieces will explore the multi-dimensional metaphysical nature of the human condition as lost souls in an unforgiving world.

‘A right riveting read, and not up your arse at all - 5 Stars’
- Self-Indulgent Monthly.

‘I’m sharpening my razor blade’ - Joseph G Balls.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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