Crime figures soar after Lockdown ends

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Wednesday, 15 July 2020

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Crime figures are back to what they were before Lockdown

After four months of economic turmoil, in which businesses went bust, bankruptcies went through the roof, and industry and the manufacturing sector were decimated, there was good news at last, today, when it was revealed that crime figures are back to their pre-Lockdown level.

The March shutdown ripped the heart out of British industry and, with stay-at-home being the order of the day, even filthy, dirty, rotten scumbag crims were forced to take a furlough, and 'wait it out'.

With the government's decision to ease restrictions, however, thieves, burglars, drug dealers, rapists and murderers have all heaved a gigantic sigh of relief, and got back to their evil business with a keen enthusiasm.

Overall, crime is at the same level as it was in January, and its future looks stable.

Police have been struggling to cope with the surge in activity, but appear glad of the opportunity to get back to doing whatever it is they are supposed to do.

A police spokesman said, "Doh!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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