Written by Patrick Parkinson

Thursday, 18 June 2015

image for Throwing own faeces found out to be number one way to getting served at bar first

Studies at the University of Central Lancashire have found that throwing your own faeces and waste at bar staff is the number one way to getting served first in a bar or restaurant.

The research found the tactic, which is employed by some angry customers, beats other strategies such as holding your money up in the air and also the tactic of shouting "Can I get a drink now?" extremely loud.

"The bar staff immediately make you the priority the moment they see poop being flung from one side of the bar to the other" said expert Kyle Deckermann "the action conveys a sense of urgency and aggression that scares barmen into pulling pints quicker". Studies show this tactic can work in crowded bars or deserted pubs as well.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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