Voters up and down the country were caught by surprise, after UKIP launched their political manifesto to six people at a local dogging site in Chelmsford. Current UKIP leader, Pat Mountain, was pleased with the reaction to the manifesto, as no one threw any cat shit at them, and all the standing representatives managed to get through the evening without saying anything racist.
"We are looking forward to kicking on, in what are exciting times for weird little Englanders everywhere!"
The statement drew muted cheers from the huddled few, who were obviously more concerned about getting caught at the dogging site, than with UKIP's manifesto (which was written on the back of several cigarette papers stuck together with that goop you find at the back of a goats gob)
UKIP are nominally known for their stance on Brexit and…..nope that’s it. Good old Pat Mountain was clearly enjoying herself in this little corner of England finished with:
"Today Brexit! Tomorrow the world!"