Man's Friend Rang Him Up To Talk About Brexit

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 10 September 2019

image for Man's Friend Rang Him Up To Talk About Brexit
The time for talking is past, if it was ever here

A man who is "fed up to the back teeth" of Brexit, has told of how a friend telephoned him the other night, with the specific intention of having a good old chinwag about nothing more excrutiatingly-boring than Britain's exit from the European Union.

Moys Kenwood, 56, listened without hearing, as his mate, Dave, called him and spoke endlessly about the dire consequences, implications, and ramifications of an 'ill-advised withdrawal from Europe'. He casually completed a Sudoku puzzle from the Hull Daily Mail whilst Dave's words went in one ear, and out of the other.

Another friend had already spoken to Kenwood earlier in the week about Brexit, asserting that "the government should do what the people voted for, and leave the EU, with or without a deal", whatever that meant.

He said:

"I don't mind talking about football, music, or women's jugs, but Brexit leaves me cold. Indeed, I couldn't give a fuck about Brexit one way or the other, but would rather people didn't ring me up with the sole intention of asking my views on it, pointlessly providing their own, and then offering me what they consider to be sage advice on what should be done next."

Brexit has proved to be the most contentious issue the British public has faced for many decades, and it's not over yet. Resolution seems a near-impossibility, and the division it has caused amongst the populace may never be mended. But Kenwood was philosophical:

"I just wish people would stop talking to me about it. Why can't they get on with it and leave, or have a Civil War over it. Either way is fine with me," he said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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