Man Wants To Know If Saying Nice Things About LGBT+ Will Help Him Get Ahead

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 6 July 2019

image for Man Wants To Know If Saying Nice Things About LGBT+ Will Help Him Get Ahead
Repackaged sex (keeps) your interest

A man who instinctively feels that there is something 'not quite right' about the LGBT+ movement and its members, wants to know if it would benefit him in any way, should he show some 'fake support' for the movement.

The man, who, to protect his anonymity, we've called 'Bert', says that nothing seems less natural to him than a man putting his penis inside another man's anus and thrusting it in and out, aside from a woman putting her tongue inside another woman's vagina, and wiggling it back and forth.

"Of course, there are other strange things going on," said Bert, "such as men who think they are women, women who think they are men, men and women who think they are neither or both, and a whole range of other attention-starved creeps who need feeding, but, if it will help me get ahead in some way, I may consider paying it lip service," said Bert.

It's been alleged by some sections of the LGBT+ organisation, that many businesses have aligned themselves with LGBT+ purely for their own benefit, and potential gain.

Barclays, for example, have shown support for LGBT+, but continue to do business in countries where homosexuality is illegal. Primark were criticised for doing the same thing last year.

The London Pride march will take in Oxford Street, where almost every shop window has been decked-out with some sort of rainbow-design display to pretend they support LGBT+, but nobody is fooled, least of all LGBT+ members. They've come up with the word 'tokenism' to describe this 'not wanting to be left out'.

A good example is the Marks and Spencer LGBT Sandwich, with many customers renaming it the 'Insincerity Sandwich'.

For the moment, Bert is undecided, and has chosen to sit on the fence and keep his lips sealed. He said:

"Rather that than showing fake support in order to be one of the gang."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more