Britain's cummerbund industry expecting post-Brexit boom

Saturday, 11 May 2019

image for Britain's cummerbund industry expecting post-Brexit boom
A suit without a cummerbund is like a fish without a bicycle

While many are predicting doom and gloom after Britain leaves the EU, at least one industry is hoping that it will thrive in the new order. Cummerbunds are worn by everyone from waiters to butlers, to people who have to hire one for a formal event. The cummerbund rental industry alone turns oer £30 million in the UK, but it is in the manufacturing sector that real growth is expected.

Geoff Cum of Geoff's Cummerbunds, Cumbria, owns the world's leading cummerbund producing company, with a whopping 73 trillion of them coming off his production line every year. "That is a lot, isn't it!" exclaimed Geoff. "It might be a typo. It's probably more like 73 thousand."

Geoff's Cummerbunds sell their product throughout the UK, and export to the US, Australia and India. He also sees potential in new markets such as China and Korea where they are marketed as a foodstuff.

It was Tavish McSporran of Glasgow who first discovered that deep-fried cummerbund made a tasty if chewy snack. He accidentally dropped one in his fryer while cooking a fish supper for his wife's anniversary, which he had forgotten for three years running. He served her the fried cummerbund and she was so grateful that he had remembered the day, that she declared it delicious. So a new dish was born!

Cum expected that the loss of European markets would not be a disaster, since Europeans don't wear cummerbunds. Germany even attempted on multiple occasions to impose a 3000% tariff on all cummerbund-related products. They were only prevented from doing so because the UK was able to veto it.

The UK government has said that the cummerbund industry is an example of the type of industry that needs more support after Brexit. It is already considering introducing a law that cummerbunds should be mandatory in public, and creating an annual "cummerbund supper" holiday every July.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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